Sunday, October 16, 2011

A Weekend With Nerds...and other goings on...

So, I've been lamenting that I have nothing to write about on my blog here and I'm sure the five of you who loyally click into this blog several times each have been happy to have not had your time wasted in a while, but guess what! I've thought of some asinine stories to relate! I'm sure you are all just thrilled beyond words.

Well, a couple of weekends ago I had the good fortune to spend my time with the biggest nerds known to humanity, a.k.a my friends.  I am also a big nerd when it comes to video games, anime, star wars, and naked chicks, but I digress.  The point is, I am in no way mocking the nerd lifestyle.  I myself rank around 8 or 9 on the Nerdness Scale.  The weekend I refer to, of course is AWA, Anime Weekend Atlanta.  I even dressed up in a costume.  There are several reasons why I enjoy attending AWA (I attend it every year now) and I will tell those reasons to you in no particular order of importance...except for the first one.  This is an important reason.

1.  Scantily Clothed Women
The first time I went to an anime convention I was completely opposed to dressing up in a costume, known to us nerds as "cosplay".  I just thought that this was one level of nerdness that was too far and I was not willing to commit to that level.  Until I got there and discovered that I was in the vast minority of people who were not dressed up and I felt left out.  I was sad.  So, now I dress up.  I assure you that I am not one of the many scantily clad women you can find at an anime convention.  People need to know their limits.  I'm not going to squeeze myself into anything revealing because, let's be honest...I like food and it shows.  There are some women at AWA who also obviously like food and are either not aware of how it effects their bodies or they've forgotten that they have eaten what amounts to an entire cow within the last 24 hours.  Whatever the reason, there are some things that cannot be unseen.  However, there are people...we'll call them "women" (because that's what they are) that pick some of my favorite characters to dress up as and they wear very, very little and it totally works for them.  And then we take pictures of them.  Anime conventions are basically places where you can ogle girls and take a million pictures of them and get this...they want you to.  In fact, it's depressing if you get all dolled up and no one asks to take your picture.  But wait...there's more...

This is the second year that the staff of AWA has awarded us loyal attendees with the BURLESQUE SHOW.  You all know what a burlesque show is, but just in case you don't:

Burlesque:  n.
1. A literary or dramatic work that ridicules a subject either by presenting a solemn subject in an undignified style or an inconsequential subject in a dignified style.
2. A ludicrous or mocking imitation; a travesty: The antics of the defense attorneys turned the trial into a burlesque of justice.
3. A variety show characterized by broad ribald comedy, dancing, and striptease.
The bold text in the third entry is all we really care about and while it is a striptease, essentially the women don't actually show anything because, well...they save that for the hentai room (which I'll get to later on).  Last year the burlesque show was the talk of the convention but this year, I missed it.  The show started at 10.  We're sitting at dinner and I look at my phone and say, "Shit, guys! It's 10:03!" And we rush out the door (paying first, of course) and haul ass back to the convention because, as nerds we will not ever miss a chance to see half naked (or naked, for that matter) girls.  My friend and I arrive in time to hear the announcer say, "And now for our final act..." and we were sad that we missed the show but happy at least that we made it for at least one.  Before I go further let me just know how you go out to eat and you order say...tea but instead you get coke? It's not that you don't like coke but it wasn't what you were expecting and certainly wasn't what you wanted so you're kind of down about it.  Well, I don't have a problem with drag queens, I really don't.  But I need to know that that is what I'm going in to before I go into it.  The last act was indeed a male in a dress and at the point where he started to remove the dress was when my friend and I decided that it was too bad that we missed the show and we should just move along to something else.
2.  Hentai
Unfortunately, I cannot say too much about this year's hentai event because what happens at AWA stays at AWA.  For those of you who do not know what hentai is, here's another definition for you:

Hentai (変態 or へんたい):   A Japanese word that, in the West, is used when referring to sexually explicit or pornographic comics and animation, particularly those of Japanese origin such as anime, manga and computer games (see Japanese pornography).

Yes, every year at midnight on the second night of AWA, there is a hentai screening that lasts about 2 to 3 hours and we go every year.  Don't judge.  What, you may ask is the attraction to watching what is essentially cartoons having explicit sex? Well, quite honestly it's funny and ridiculous (most porn is, but there is a huge difference in non-animated porn plots:  "Did someone order a pizza?" and hentai plots:  "I'm a sex robot and I escaped from the lab to find my missing part because whenever I orgasm I emit this strong EMP and it destroys everything in a 2 mile radius".  True story.  This is actually the plot of a hentai I've seen.  Also, I use the word "plot" very loosely for both hentai and non-animated porn).  The problem with going to these screenings as opposed to watching hentai in the comfort of your own home is that you never know what you're walking in to.  Sometimes you luck out and you get a light-hearted comedy hentai that is sometimes meant to be funny and sometimes not but just is and it's something you can laugh about over the next year until it's time to go back and watch more.  Other times there are things that will make you want to stab your eyeballs out with spoons because again, what has been seen cannot be unseen.  I know you are sitting there right now trying to imagine what would make me say that but trust me, you can't possibly even begin to imagine the sort of plots that go into some of these hentais and if you might have a future in the porn business, who knows.  The second one was more light and funny (thankfully) but still disturbing because when you pick a board game for family game night, it should not be called "Sexual Pursuit 2".  Note the "2" which means that this is actually a sequel meaning there is more than one meaning that the makers of this felt there was a good chance of making a profit about a sex game that is allegedly fun for the whole family that you have to keep playing until you finish.  It made Jumanji look like the best board game since Candy Land.  Can't wait to see what we'll be watching next year.

Believe it or not, those are the only two reasons I go to AWA.  No, I'm kidding.  Mostly.  We spend a good deal of time wandering around the convention, making nasty remarks about bad costumes and raving over good ones and taking pictures.  The highlight of my weekend, really was meeting Brina Palencia and getting my picture taken with her and getting her to sign some DVDs.  She is very cool in that I talked to her for about 10.3 seconds and within that 10.3 seconds it seemed like we could be very best friends.  No stalking intended.  AWA is also a money pit so in an effort to spend as little money as possible, I spent most of the weekend in my hotel room with my xbox playing Lego Batman and cussing at Alfred because he wouldn't get out of the damn way.  Bruce Wayne should really consider getting someone younger and faster to wander around the bat layer with a tray of...water? I don't know.  The tray could be empty for all I know which really emphasizes the point that Alfred is just milking the clock now and not even doing anything productive.  Walking around the bat cave with an empty tray is a huge waste of time.

I know the title says "other goings on" but I feel like this is getting a little long.  I could just change the title I suppose and you guys would never even know it but it's too late now since I've already typed this part.  Since I'm getting a little long-winded, I'll give you a quick overview and then maybe find something to expand on later:

School:  School is a little different this semester because I graduated from junior college (Yay! A degree that means next to nothing!) and now go to school about an hour away.  All the classes for my major were full except for one so I'm taking a potluck array of classes which is frustrating but that's ok.  Latin is one of those classes.  Don't ask.  I'm also taking an argumentative writing class in which the semester long topic  Don't ask about that, either.

Work:  I still work in retail and people are still stupid.  But I want to relate this particular story and also point out that I never get the good customers like this lady.  This is, sadly a story that was told to me but it did happen in the store that I work in so I feel connected somehow.  A lady came in and asked my friend about the DVD The Walking Dead (for those of you living under a rock, The Walking Dead is a show that airs on AMC about zoooooombies.  Ergo, it is awesome).  My friend showed her the DVD and asked the woman if she had ever seen it.  The woman said no, she had not.  My friend said, "Oh, it's really good.  It's based in Atlanta."  And the woman said (I am not making this up):  "So it really happened?" This is where my friend and I differ because she was nice enough to tell the woman that no, it did not really happen whereas I would have taken the opportunity to run with that like it was the olympic freakin' torch.  Did it really happen? Are you asking me if there were really zombies in Atlanta? Zombies.  Yes, ma'am.  It was horrible.  

Home:  I still live out in the woods.  I had a crazypsychobitch roommate (I only call her that because that was what everyone else called her and it also happens to be true) but she moved out, relieving me of only some of my things and my other two nice roommates found a cheaper place so I'm left with one roomie and I'm hoping if I feed him well and give him clean water he will stick around and pay the rent and the utilities.

And that's it.  I have to say that I loved doing the tags for this post.

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