Monday, December 20, 2010

5 Things That Suck (BIG TIME) About Love-Sickness

So, I've been thinking lately about what I want to waste everyone's time with and this is what I came up with.  Why? NO REASON! WHY DO YOU ASK? WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT?

1.  It makes you stupid
     Not many people realize this, but love actually makes you stupid.  I don't mean like you know, you're goofy or mushy and all that but literally stupid.  You may not have ever really considered yourself to be a stupid person, but you notice lately the dumbest shit comes out of your mouth.  Stuff that you would make fun of other people for saying.  Like the following (actual) conversation:

YOU:  This stuffed animal is cute...
OTHER PERSON:  Thanks.  Why are you looking at it like that?
YOU:  Because I can't figure out what kind of creature it is.  Is it a deer?
OTHER PERSON:  ....It's a dog...
YOU:  Oh.  I'm sorry.  But it's cute!

Now, normally you would be able to tell the difference between a deer and a dog.  Even in the stuffed animal world, there are several distinct differences between the two.  This is what I mean by stupid.  The long floppy ears should have been a huge clue but you completely missed it because all that is in your head right now is basically the equivalent of scrambled eggs.

2.  Insomnia
     This is by far the worst symptom of love-sickness, especially for people who love to sleep.  You try but you just can't.  Because you want to recount every word that was spoken and in the case of one-sided or unrequited love, you want to search for the smallest clue that will give your pathetic obsession substance and then you can reassure yourself that you are not insane.  You are, though.  You are now a crazy person. 

3.  Stupid love songs
     This comes in very close behind insomnia under the major suckage department because you now find that every stupid love song that comes on the radio now has some sort of hidden meaning and you're like, "Omg! Exactly!"  These songs weren't written for you.  Don't be an imbecile.  But still you find yourself belting out at the top of your voice:  "THE WAY YOU CUT A RUG, WATCHING YOU IS THE ONLY DRUG I NEED...SON OF A BITCH, I HATE THIS SONG! WTF?!"  I am actually kind of fond of that song.  See what I mean? I hope all of you are now popping in your Train cd's to listen to Soul Sister.  Welcome to hell.  I saved a seat for you.

4.  Inability to Focus
     On anything at all.  You need to study for your test? Too bad! You need to focus on your job.  Denied! You need to hang out with your friends? Well, you can do that but your conversation will be completely hijacked by the topic of OTHER PERSON.  And this brings us to number five, which is:

5.  You are so freakin' obvious
     It is embarrassing but because you can't seem to maintain presence of mind long enough to realize that you have been talking about OTHER PERSON non-stop, everyone knows.  To make things worse, when you realize this you try to overcompensate by pretending that you have never even heard of OTHER PERSON.

YOU:  Haha.  And then OTHER PERSON said...
TOTALLY AWARE FRIEND:  You know, you talk about OTHER PERSON a lot.
YOU:  Who? I don't who you mean.

So, these are just my observations and this has absolutely nothing to do with me.  Stop looking at me like that!

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