First of all, it is going to take me at least a couple of hours to write this because I'm drunk and I don't type well when I'm drunk. But I'm not drunk enough to not care about my spelling so I have to either type slowly or spend a lot of time backspacing to correct spelling errors. If I miss any I'm sorry. Not really. If I miss any, screw you guys. I don't even care. I do care. I'm going to try not to miss any.
1. Bar Loiterers
Firstly, is loiterers even a word? I have no idea. More to the point, get your drink and get your ass out of the way. What the hell, man? You have a mob behind you wanting to get a drink and we can't get to the bar because you are just standing there like a moron. I will give some leeway to those who are already druink and need the bar for moral and physical support but the rest of you, come on. Stop being a douche. We don't care that you have a drink. We don't care that you are awesome in your pink shirt with a popped collar. Just so you know, that look....stupid. If you had a t-shirt that said "I am a complete douche" on the front it would not be even slightly more obvious than what you are wearing right now. Just get your girl drink and move away. I was going to say "Get your Bud Light" but I really like Bud Light and I thought that would be a little hypocritical. Moving on.
2. One uppers
We all know them, right? The one-uppers. You are telling a story. A story that you are proud of because it is either A. Bombass awesome or B. The funniest thing to ever be uttered ever and you have this friend (you don't know why this person is your friend because they are the most annoying person ever born) who has an even better story that is similar to your story only better. Your friend's life was directed by damn Michael Bay and it is like your life only with big ass special effects and explosions. You could say, "Dude, I once dived off a pier and hit my head and broke my neck and it was crazy" and your friend would say something like, "No, man check this out. I went skydiving once and the parachute didn't open and I died. No shit. True story. It was insane." Just stop it, dude.
That's all I have because I can't really see straight anymore. I'm sure I'll wake up tomorrow and say, "What the hell, man..." but that will be tomorrow and I'm kind of ok with that right now. Haha, I can't find my mouse cursor. I've been moving my mouse around for like a whole minute and can't find it. Wtf?