Alice, The Ninja Dog

So, I have two dogs.  Zoe, who is my main dog and then Alice who is my emergency back-up dog.  Alice is still in training because she likes to do things like eat my underwear and take entire loaves of bread off the kitchen counter and eat that, too.  True story.  An entire loaf of bread.  Needless to say, at bedtime Alice gets locked away in a crate.  Lately, though Alice has been getting better so I decided I would try out new sleeping arrangements for her.  Instead of sleeping in her crate, I decided to see how Alice would do with a little freedom.  She's actually doing quite well, though she hasn't learned the rules of sleeping in the bed.  Zoe has her sleeping "spot".  It's at the foot of the bed on the opposite side of where I sleep.  I designated the other half of that side of the bed for Alice.  She is having trouble comprehending that this is her place.

Unfortunately, Alice takes every advantage to lay on me.  Whether I'm in the bed or on the couch or even in a chair, she has this need to be on me.  And she's not really a small dog so this can get a little aggravating.  When she's not doing that she's bounding after you like a possessed bulldozer intent on death and destruction.  Unlike other dogs, Alice doesn't come up to you and jump on you.  Oh, no.  That's no fun at all.  Alice likes to leap at you from at least two feet away, plowing into your stomach.  She need structure and discipline but she is completely uninterested in either of these things.

After making sure that she understands that I am serious about these new sleeping arrangements, it is time to turn the lights out and go to sleep.  All is quiet for about five minutes, and then I feel her move and then it gets still.  I figure she's just getting comfortable.  Then I feel her move again.  Then it is still again.  Then again.  I can't help but become a little suspicious.

After another pause I feel a slow, gradual shift and then WHAM! She's on top of me again.  At this point, I'm very tired and I really want to get some sleep so I decide I need to be very firm.

There it is.  She is going to understand now and since I am the master of this household (or mistress, if you will) she is going to obey me because she is my dog and I am her master.